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Twitter phoneWhat do you get when you combine the ups, downs and general absurdities of travel with the haiku brevity of tweets? Some pretty hilarious wisecracks. Check out our top travel tweets from lists recently compiled by CNN Travel and Ships and Trips Travel.

  • Some guy is weighing himself on luggage scales at the closed check-ins at Dulles. I don’t know which problem to recommend he seek help for. – @swimparallel
  • There should be a law: You’re flying commercial and arrive at airport wearing Polo cologne – mandatory shower at security checkpoint. – @clinton_kelly
  • Woman across from me at the airport is breastfeeding. To show support, I took my shirt off and made strong eye contact. – @patrickborelli
  • Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night. – @meaghano
  • Southwest Airlines is like my period. It hurts my back and it’s always late. – @WhitneyCummings
  • Guy next to me on the plane woke up and is wiping the drool off his shirt. Now may be a good time to tell him I drooled all over his shirt. – @rafitorres
  • There’s a guy sitting next to me on the plane that looks like Jesus Christ. Just handed him a bottle of water and said, “Merlot, please.” – @bedheadblonde
  • The delta airlines flight attendant just used the word “thing-a-Ma-gig” to describe….. oxygen mask. – @Chrismix86
  • I think the thread count on this hotel towel is “gravel”. – @luckyshirt
  • Seeing a lot of guys in floral prints. I’m either in Hawaii or at a Jimmy Buffet concert. – @jimmygaffigan
  • Day 3 at the beach: I achieve redhead levels of awkward sunburn lines. – @CcSteff
  • A road trip is a great way to test a new relationship but it’s the withholding of the flatulence which eventually creates the tension. – @CheyVolay
  • Next week I travel to Omaha to find out what “Git r done” means. – @birbigs
  • who says train travel isn’t exciting! someone just pooped on the floor of our train! – @sbellelauren
  • When Eric Clapton needs clothes for a concert, he borrows my mother’s travel wear. – @mulaney
  • Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids. – @JimGaffigan
  • People at airport complaining TV is too loud. Can’t wait to see their faces when I pull out my TRAVEL KETTLE DRUMS! – @toddbarry

Send us your own funny travel tweets to @cabeautravel – maybe you’ll make our next Funniest Tweets list!

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